Give me a sense of humor, Lord,
Give me the grace to see a joke,
To get some humour out of life,
And pass it on to other folk.
OUT of the MOUTHS of CHILDREN ....
THERE IS A HEAVEN FOR VOLUNTEERS
Paddy was driving down the street in a sweat because he had an important meeting and couldn' t find a parking place. Looking up to heaven he said, ' Lord take pity on me. If you find me a parking place I will go to Mass every Sunday for the rest of me life and give up me Irish Whiskey! ' |
Gallagher opened the morning newspaper and was dumbfounded to read in the obituary column that he had died. He quickly phoned his best friend, Finney. |
While driving in Pennsylvania, a family caught up to an Amish carriage. |
A Sunday School teacher began her lesson with a question, 'Boys and girls, what do we know about God?' A hand shot up in the air. 'He is an artist!' said the kindergarten boy. 'Really? How do you know?' the teacher asked. 'You know - Our Father, who does art in Heaven... ' |
A minister waited in line to have his car filled with gas just before a long holiday weekend. The attendant worked quickly, but there were many cars ahead of him. Finally, the attendant motioned him toward a vacant pump. 'Reverend,' said the young man, 'I'm so sorry about the delay. It seems as if everyone waits until the last minute to get ready for a long trip.' The minister chuckled, 'I know what you mean. It's the same in my business.' |
A minister parked his car in a no-parking zone in a large city because he was short of time and couldn't find a space with a meter. Then he put a note under the windshield wiper that read: "I have circled the block 10 times. If I don't park here, I'll miss my appointment. Forgive us our trespasses." |
There is the story of a pastor who got up one Sunday and announced to his
congregation: "I have good news and bad news. The good news is we have enough money to pay for our new building program. The bad news is it's still out there in your pockets." |
People want the front of the bus, |
The minister was preoccupied with thoughts of how he was going to ask the congregation to come up with more money than they were expecting for repairs to the church building. Therefore, he was annoyed to find that the regular organist was sick and a substitute had been brought in at the last minute. The substitute wanted to know what to play. |
A father was approached by his small son who told him proudly, "I know what the Bible means!" His father smiled and replied, "What do you mean, you 'know' what the Bible means?" The son replied, "I do know!" "Okay," said his father. "What does the Bible mean?" "That's easy, Daddy..." the young boy replied excitedly,? It stands for 'Basic Information Before Leaving Earth.' |
The Twenty and the One A well-worn one-dollar bill and a similarly distressed
twenty-dollar bill arrived at a Federal Reserve Bank to be retired. As
they moved along the conveyor belt to be burned, they struck up a
conversation. The twenty-dollar bill reminisced about its travels all
over the country. 'I've had a pretty good life,' the twenty proclaimed. |
There was a very gracious lady who was mailing an old family Bible to
her brother in another part of the country. "Is there anything breakable in here?" asked the postal clerk. "Only the Ten Commandments," answered the lady. |
A fifth grade teacher in a Christian school asked her class to look at TV commercials and see if they could use them in some way to communicate ideas about God. Here are some of the results |
"Somebody has said there are only two kinds of people in the world. |
DEAR LORD, so far today, I am doing all right. I haven't gossiped, lost my temper, been greedy, grumpy or nasty. "My blessings are simple and few |
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Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God.